DARBIAN~THE BEGINNINGS (https://go.twitch.tv/darbian {Super Mario Bros Speedrunner} fanfic pt. 1)
The anxious young
boy had been a gamer all of his life, but until now, he hadn’t felt like he was
any good. He’d always played RPG and platformer games, and having a special
fondness for the Super Mario series,
he would always amaze his friends in Nintendo games. A 90s kid and a nerd
through and through, Brad was not very good at socializing. He was an
introvert, and after he got a degree in software engineering from Virginia Tech,
he decided to settle down and get a steady job in his native state of Virginia.
One day, Brad was
browsing the internet and he saw something about an event, known as AGDQ
(Awesome Games Done Quick). It was a speedrunning marathon for charity, and
Brad began to watch. He was amazed at the skill of the players, and he decided
he wanted to get into speedrunning himself. He entered a contest with a number
of games listed, and he decided to learn a childhood favorite: the all-levels
or “warpless” category of the original Super
Mario Bros. He started streaming on Twitch, but he was very shy and only
did races. He began to get better at the game, but he was still insecure. He
decided to take a break from Mario for
a while. He started speedrunning bad games like California Raisins, and Wally
Bear and the NO! Gang. His stream began to grow, and he was finally making
real friends who had similar interests!
Sometime later,
Brad was feeling especially tired and anxious. He had had a long day at work,
and he went home and looked in his refrigerator. He was very thirsty and he didn’t
want any coffee. He found some local chocolate milk in the refrigerator and
poured himself a glass. As he drank, he had a strange feeling. He began to feel
stronger, more energized. He started up his game of Super Mario Bros and decided to learn the Any% (fastest possible
completion) category of the game.
As he kept
playing, he began to get better and better. Eventually, after consuming a lot
of chocolate milk, Brad, or darbian as he was now known
was able to get two 4:57s in the same week! This was insanely good for a young boy!
It was close to the world record, which was held by blubbler, and it had beat
andrewg’s obsolete 4:58 times.
Ah, andrewg. He
was a hero to darbian, and considered “the Mario god” by many speedrunners. He
had been unrivaled for many years. He beat the game legitimately, without using
any cheat codes (or chocolate milk). For that matter, he was so good, that he
could juggle with his hands while playing Mario with his feet! (True story!)
His superpower was extremely good hand-eye coordination. His kryptonite:
anxiety and mood swings. One day he would be confident, and the next day he
would be discouraged. But he pushed through without the sugar.
Darbian continued
lowering his time, and in October of 2015, he broke the Super Mario Bros record with a time of 4:57.627. He was able to
defy the odds, with a little help from andrewg and chocolate milk. This was the
first of many achievements by darbian, the new superhero who fights internet
trolls by having amazing legitimate runs, and fights world depression by
entertaining the masses! With help from his chocolate milk he is able to do
anything! Just don’t get him Chinese food—it makes him sick!
NO MAN. 
Or THIS: 
No, I just want to say, that I know the difference, thank you very much, general blatant internet stereotypes. 
